urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth (so I can't hurt you anymore) Symeon of Veirnan 2009-06-27T07:17:34Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:10933 2009-06-27T07:17:34Z 2009-06-27T07:17:34Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br /><small>I<br /><br />I missed his birthday.<br /><br />How could I have just forgotten like that? I was -- it doesn't matter what I was doing, or who with, or anyt of that. There are two days of the year when I <i>have</i> to remember him ... miss him ... let myself be swept away with how empty it is without him ...<br /><br />And I ... just forgot.<br /><br />How could I have ...</small><br /><br />Myca ... oh, Myca, you were so ...<br /><br /><b>[Filter: Stephanie]</b><br /><br />... how have you found tending to Lancel so far, Stephanie? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:10719 2009-06-22T20:51:50Z 2009-06-22T20:51:50Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br />It's not contagious, then. I had suspected, since my own health hadn't declined, but the certainty is a burden off of my heart. This allows me more freedom in how to treat him ...<br /><br />But it isn't consumption, either. It's different. It ... behaves differently. Not so virulent, but more consistently <i>there</i>, a more <i>constant</i> stress on the body.<br /><br />One things's for certain ... now that I've found out what it's <i>not</i>, I can have more time to allow myself to know what it <i>is</i>. With the medication we're giving him now, he should be lucid and awake most of the time. We'll start to get to know him, be able to speak to him, learn about where he's been, where he came from ... the process of his his disease.<br /><br />But first ...<br /><br />Haha, I don't even know what day it is. I need to sleep. I need to eat. I need to ... rest. I know that I do. A physician's This has consumed me ...<br /><br /><br /><br /><s>He is ...</s><br /><br /><b>[Filter: Edeyn]</b><br /><br />Thank your mother again for me, Edeyn. I couldn't have learned what I have without her help. She's been ... very useful. A blessing, even.<br /><br /><b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br />... it's a solid idea. It would be good for them, an object lesson with little chance of disaster. There's a lot they could learn from having a role in this. And it would be good for <i>me</i>, to have the help, to have someone to help carry this burden ...<br /><br /><small>But a part of me doesn't want to share this. Or him. I already feel like enough of a failure for needing Lovey to help me with what I've learned so far, no matter how useful or important it's been.<br /><br />... haha, how silly is that? I <i>know</i> what this is about. I <i>know</i> I'm just seeing Myca, seeing ... seeing a chance to make up for how I couldn't <i>save</i> him, and that will only make me a worse physician, but I can't ...<br /><br />No. No, I need to.<br /><br />"Sharing" him is the first start.</small><br /><br /><b>[Filter: Linnell, Lian, Lissandra, Stephanie, Edeyn]</b><br /><br />I think I owe it to you all to explain a bit about our guest.<br /><br />His name is Lancel and he's probably about eighteen years old, but I don't know much more about him. He's been very feverish since he came here and barely lucid most of the time. I've been trying to determine just the very basics about his illness so that I can treat the symptomns while looking for the underlying cause.<br /><br />... well, thanks to Edeyn's mother, I've managed to stabilize him, for the most part. We should start seeing him being more ... present, answering questions ... and he doesn't need me all the time, anymore.<br /><br />But he does need someone ...<br /><br />I think you girls could help me. Er, not you, Edeyn, you're just ... here for the update. But the rest of you are all very talented in your lessons with me about medicine, and I thought that if Lancel had some strong nurses taking shifts, I could be more ... fresh, and be able to help him more. And it would teach all you responsibility ... learning ...<br /><br />... you don't have to agree. But it would be good for all of you ... and for me.<br /><br />Er, just ... yes. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:10413 2009-05-18T00:54:04Z 2009-05-18T00:54:04Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br />Stephanie ...<br /><br />You're growing every day, but you never lose that ... that innocence. It shines through you. I hope you never lose it. That would be ... too cruel. You should stay pure like that, forever. <small>Like Myca ...</small><br /><br />Even though you've been so hurt, you're still so good. It makes me think that the world isn't so bad a place after all ... when there are people like you.<br /><br /><b>[Filter: Stephanie]</b><br /><br />I really am impressed at how much you've been learning, Stephanie ... you take your studies so seriously. It says a lot about you ...<br /><br /><b>[Filter: Edeyn]</b><br /><br />Er, I forgot to ask earlier ... how did your errand in the city go? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:10120 2009-05-03T17:40:19Z 2009-05-03T17:40:19Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br />... they really are good memories. A lifetime of them, and ...<br /><br />This ... this isn't worth it. It can't be, I --<br /><br /><b>[Filter: Edeyn]</b><br /><br />I hate fighting, Edeyn. I want everything to be normal again. Please. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:9821 2009-04-20T04:08:27Z 2009-04-20T04:08:27Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br />I'm not an idiot. Even I know when something isn't a good idea. Confiding all my complicated problems in my fourteen year old daughter ... haha. Yes, that's the definition of a bad idea, really ...<br /><br />But who do I have, other than Edeyn? Kouri is gone, Myca is gone ... and only Edeyn knows me completely. I can't ...<br /><br />I ... really don't know what I can do without her.<br /><br />But apologizing? She'll want me to do what she says and I ...<br /><br />It was hard enough with Lian, and it will just hurt them ... and I don't <i>want</i> to. <i>My</i> mother would never have told me, and she was the strongest person I ever knew. Surely what I'm doing is only what she would have done, but ... gentler.&lt;/small&gt;<br /><br />I ... just don't know.<br /><br />Edeyn, why does it have to <i>be</i> like this? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:9575 2009-04-03T13:20:02Z 2009-04-03T13:20:02Z <b>[Filter: Edeyn]</b><br /><br />I-I ... I'm not telling the girls about what happened. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:9440 2009-03-17T00:18:41Z 2009-03-17T00:18:41Z <b>[Filter: Lian]</b><br /><br />Lian ...<br /><br />Lian, darling, I really can't --<br /><br />Please, I ... I know you're upset. I just. I just need you to talk to me. Please, Lian, precious, please ... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:9075 2009-03-09T05:38:10Z 2009-03-09T05:38:10Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br />Oh, Dragons. What did she see? What did she read?<br /><br />Dragons, Dragons, Dragons Light and Dark.<br /><br />It's over. Everything ... everything I have, everything I've worked for, everything I love, it's all gone. Lian ... oh, Lian, my precious girl, what do you know? What ...<br /><br /><small>Kyrene, why are you not here? <i>Mother</i>, even ... you would <i>know.</i></small><br /><br /><b>[Filter: Lian]</b><br /><br />Lian.<br /><br />Lian, darling, you need to talk to me. You know to tell me what's wrong. I can't do anything until I know what's wrong, darling, please, please tell me what happened, please.<br /><br /><b>[Filter: Edeyn]</b><br /><br />She was in my room. She had my <i>journal</i>. That's the only answer, it ... it was on the ground, pages crushed. She ...<br /><br />I don't know what she saw. I don't know what to <i>do</i>.<br /><br />Please, please, Edeyn, you ... you need to fix this. You need to tell me how to fix this. I don't know what to do. She won't answer her door. I knock and beg and she won't say a word to me.<br /><br /><b>[Filter: Lissandra, Linnell]</b><br /><br />Girls, please, if you know anything about your sister, about why she's upset, please, tell me. Please. I want to help her, more than anything. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:8857 2009-03-05T20:43:38Z 2009-03-05T20:43:38Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br />I can't --<br /><br />I can't stop thinking about her. Dragons, her face is in my dreams. I always ... I suppose I always had these feelings for her, lurking somewhere ... since Myca died, at least. I couldn't have loved someone with him still here.<br /><br />But ...<br /><br />... I can't <i>hurt</i> her. From how she reacted, she -- I never meant to hurt her. I want to do just the opposite. I want to protect her from everything ... from everyone ...<br /><br />Oh, Stephanie ...<br /><br />She's still so nervous around me, even now. After so much time ... it's not just going to right itself. <i>I</i> need to fix it.<br /><br /><b>[Filter: Stephanie]</b><br /><br />Ah, Stephanie? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:8608 2009-02-24T01:29:21Z 2009-02-24T01:29:21Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br /><s>I</s><br /><br />I hadn't ... I hadn't intended for this to happen. I just ... she looked so innocent. So ... so pure and beautiful, and she needed me, she needs me to take care of her, and ...<br /><br />... Edeyn can't know. She says she won't breathe a word, but she looked so shaken. Dragons, I didn't mean to hurt her. <s>I thought</s><br /><br />Edeyn <i>can't</i> know. <s>I</s> <s>She</s> She won't forgive me so easily, not this time. I need to be sure that she doesn't breathe a word.<br /><br /><small>This <i>wasn't</i> what I wanted, but ... but I can't get her face out of my head. Stephanie ...</small> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:8311 2009-02-21T19:41:52Z 2009-02-21T19:41:52Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br /><small>Myca ...</small><br /><br />It's been a long time, now. I ... I miss you, every day, but I ...<br /><br />I'm still here. Thanks to Edeyn, in parts. In many parts ... but I still feel like I've accomplished something, however small. There's still life yet to be lived, people left to help, and my daughters ...<br /><br />And Stephanie. She needs me more than anyone.<br /><br /><b>[Filter: Stephanie]</b><br /><br />Stephanie ... there's something I have to tell you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:7991 2009-02-17T04:31:15Z 2009-02-17T04:31:15Z <b>[Filter: Edeyn]</b><br /><br />... thank you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:7739 2009-02-14T07:57:56Z 2009-02-14T07:57:56Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br />Myca ... Kyrene ...<br /><br /><small>Dragons, it hurts. I just ...<br /><br /><i>Why?</i></small> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:7533 2009-02-04T13:07:59Z 2009-02-04T13:07:59Z <b>[Filter: Edeyn]</b><br /><br /><small>I can't ...<br /><br />I don't know if I can ... do this, Edeyn ...<br /><br />I feel myself slipping ... slipping back to that day ... the last time I was with him ... how pale and small he was. It's like the walls just start closing in and I'm drowning ...<br /><br />I don't know how to talk to the girls ... I don't know how to deal with ... with anything.<br /><br />All I see if his face. And hers, as well ... Myca and Kyrene ...</small> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:7373 2009-01-25T03:11:49Z 2009-01-25T03:11:49Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br />I don't ...<br /><br />I don't want to hide things from them ... I want to tell them what's wrong. Tell them how losing Myca shattered me as much as losing their mother. They deserve the truth, about everything ...<br /><br />... but she says ...<br /><br /><b>[Filter: Edeyn]</b><br /><br />If you have a moment ... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:7087 2009-01-07T08:00:23Z 2009-01-07T08:00:23Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br /><s>A man, looking for ...</s><br /><br />Maybe he's a soldier. Maybe he's a family member ...<br /><br />... whoever he is, I won't let him take Stephanie away. She belongs here now.<br /><br />She does look beautiful in that dress. So ... so innocent.<br /><br /><b>[Filter: Edeyn]</b><br /><br /><s>You seem</s> <s>I was</s><br /><br />... did something <i>happen</i>? You've been gone for so much longer than you were supposed to, and you didn't write, even when I ...<br /><br />... I was worried. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:6790 2008-10-18T10:25:27Z 2008-10-18T10:25:27Z <b>[Filter: Miss Morrigan]</b><br /><br />Ah, if you ... have a moment, I ...<br /><br />I think you're part of a village that I ... apparently own, which would make me your leige lord, and I just have a ... question for you, if you have time. ... please. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:6588 2008-10-13T23:30:20Z 2008-10-13T23:30:20Z <b>[Filter: Edeyn]</b><br /><br />... Edeyn? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:6384 2008-10-10T00:50:49Z 2008-10-10T00:50:49Z <b>[Filter: Edeyn]</b><br /><br />... I've been thinking about him so much, since the Festival. Every single day. I know you don't approve of what was between he and I, but no matter how wrong it may have been, it was real, and every single day, I wake up and he's still gone ...<br /><br />I think the girls might be worried. I don't know how I can put a lie of a smile on my face just for them, but how can't I?<br /><br />I ... I'm so lost without you here. People come to me asking about taxes and housing and I don't know what to tell them. You take care of all of that.<br /><br />I need you to come home, Edeyn ... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:6055 2008-09-24T02:40:04Z 2008-09-24T02:40:04Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br />I have my girls, and they're happy, but ...<br /><br />But I don't have Myca, or Kouri, or Kyrene. Without them, those I loved the most, apart from Lian, I might as well have no one. Nothing ...<br /><br />There's no such thing as a Happy Festival. Not without them.<br /><br />Lian ... can't know that. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:5718 2008-08-14T21:00:32Z 2008-08-14T21:00:32Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br />Stephanie ... really is such a wonderful child. She's come such a long way. She was so skittish when she first arrived ... always looking over her shoulder. Myca was the only one who could ...<br /><br />But she's bloomed, a little. There's a ... a sunlight from here. Spring and flowers.<br /><br />I want to do more for her. To see her smile. When she does, it ... I almost forget about Myca, but not in a way that makes me feel guilty. Just peaceful.<br /><br /><b>[Filter: Edeyn]</b><br /><br />Do you have a moment, Edeyn? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:5400 2008-06-28T04:41:50Z 2008-06-28T04:41:50Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br /><small>How could I have just forgotten ...? Myca ... could I forget about you so quickly? When you were gone, I didn't even want to live, and now ... now I can even forget your birthday?<br /><br />Lian ... it wasn't your fault, darling ... I needed to be punished by someone. The fact that it was you ... I should thank you, I should. I need to ...<br /><br />Myca ...<br /><br />I love you. I'll always love you. I ...<br /><br />I can't ... I can't forget ... I can't.<br /><br />... I'm sorry, everyone.</small><br /><br /><b>[Filter: Lian]</b><br /><br />Darling ... I'd like to hear your pieces one more time, before the party ... could you ... do that for me? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:5191 2008-06-20T21:52:08Z 2008-06-20T21:52:08Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br /><small>I shouldn't have forgotten ...<br /><br />Myca, forgive me ...</small> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:5016 2008-04-18T05:45:44Z 2008-04-18T05:45:44Z <b>[Filter: Stephanie]</b><br /><br />... I have something for you. A gift. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:letgooftruth:4762 2008-04-14T02:59:38Z 2008-04-14T02:59:38Z <b>[Filter: Private]</b><br /><br />Myca ...<br /><br />I-I should get up and ... and do something, I think. Maybe I'll go out into the town.<br /><br />I wish Edeyn were here. ... or Myca ...